Undercover Tourist

Being a tourist is hard, let me tell you. From the clothes to masking the accent. I had a lot of work to do. All the James Bond movies prepared me for this moment. Like any good agent, the first thing you must do is blend in. For this I had to observe the tourists. Not in the creepy way (in the search it up on google images kind of way). The results varied, but I eventually settled on a blue t shirt, some swim trunks, straw hat and sunglasses. I wanted to go somewhere close, so I settled on Plaza Condado near the Two Brothers Bridge. You know, the bridge where people jump of…For fun, But I digress. As I neared the main entrance, I got some very weird looks. Darting glances and puzzled stares, I think I over did it. The first thing I did was head over to Starbucks. As I walked up to the counter, I would keep telling myself to “Be the tourist”. I looked at the menu behind the Starbucks cashier and I thought “what is the most touristy thing I could order”. I settled on the Iced Caffè Americano. Nothing could top that. I channeled my inner tourist and said in the most English sounding way I could, “Iced Caffè Americano please”. Emphasis on the Americano. She answered in Spanish. I said, “what?”. She told me, “Are you not from here?”. I said that I was visiting from New York and that I was raised there all my life. She would then answer ask me if I wanted anything else. As I declined, I asked if there was anyplace she would recommend visiting. She told me to go to visit the beautiful fort of El Morro and to visit he contemporary art museum near La Parada 18. She was very enthusiastic and friendly. As I opened the door to leave, I got curious and decided to listen to the same cashier take the order from people that seemed from here. She was not nearly as nice. In fact, it almost sounded as a bother to speak to them. A certain smugness to her voice. I gained some more curiosity and decided to visit some other shops. I would ask some questions then I would stop to listen to the dialogue between the cashiers and some native people. Similar results occurred. I felt kind of bad, doubting the fact that the Starbucks cashier was genuinely nice to me back then. Anyways, I took it in stride and went back home. Mission complete.